


Perchance to Dream

by dimensionhoppingrose



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Oneshot, Rose Tyler - Freeform, tenth doctor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 10:04:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1978746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimensionhoppingrose/pseuds/dimensionhoppingrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The events of New New Earth leave their mark on Rose in the form of strange dreams about a golden light and burning…and the Doctor won’t be getting out of explaining this time. —Doctor/Rose, oneshot—</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perchance to Dream

**Author's Note:**

> I was always curious about how Rose, despite not having any memories of what she did to the Daleks at the end of "The Parting of the Ways" knew about it by "Doomsday." I can't imagine the Doctor would actually tell her, so she must have figured it out another way, right?

It was certainly strange – even for the Doctor – to watch someone die in their own arms. But it seemed like the best gift to give Cassandra.

“Right, then,” the Doctor said as he bounced around the console, sending them back into the vortex. “Where to next? Ooooooh, how about Woodstock? But no getting arrested, American jails sound  _awful_ …Rose?”

As he turned to look at her, he saw her swaying, grabbing a railing for support, the color draining from her face. “Whoa, okay.” He hurried over to her, grabbing her shoulders before her knees could go out. She looked up at him, smiling wanly.

“Maybe a night in?”

 

“Maybe a night in,” he agreed quietly, a hand coming up to brush a stray lock of hair back from her face. “What’s wrong?”

“Just a headache…a bit dizzy…” She blinked heavily, leaning into him a bit more.

“Alright, come on,” he said firmly, wrapping a hand around hers and carefully pulling her towards the hall. “I’m taking you to the med lab.”

“What?” She squeaked, her head snapping up. “No, Doctor, come on—”

“Rose psychografts are  _dangerous_. There could be damage—”

“It’s just a headache! You try havin’ to share a head with Cassandra for an extended period of time and not havin’ a headache, I promise it’s impossible. All she did the entire time was complain about how I wasn’t pretty enough and how you run too much.” The Doctor frowned, clearly not convinced. “Please?” Rose begged quietly. “Please just let me go to bed. If I still don’t feel good in the mornin’ then I’ll let you do whatever tests you want.”

“…Fine,” he finally gave in, still obviously unhappy over it. “Fine, but if your head even  _twinges_  in the morning, you tell me. Understand?”

“Of course.” She smiled, lifting her weight off of him and getting up on her tiptoes to press a small kiss to his cheek as the TARDIS pulled her room up for her. “I’m sure I’ll be fine, though. Good night, Doctor.”

“Night…” He said uncertainly as she disappeared into her room. He waited outside for about ten minutes, listening to make sure she didn’t pass out or anything. It was only when he was assured she was in bed that he finally walked away.

He didn’t even have to wait the ten minutes. Rose stripped out of her clothes, stumbling just a bit over her feet before grabbing the oversized shirt she slept in. She collapsed into bed before bothering to pull it on and crawled under the covers.

She was out before her head hit the pillow.

_Golden light…it surrounds her, consumes her, humming in the back of her mind. And she knows she should be afraid, but there’s something… **safe**  about it. Familiar._

_She knows that it doesn’t want to hurt her._

_But even as she allows herself to be taken over by it, she can feel it burning her through her. At first it’s nice – warm, comfortable. But the longer it persists, the more it **hurts** – as if she’s burning alive._

_Stop, make it **stop**_ — _!_

“ _Rose_!”

The blonde jolted awake with a yell, eyes wide, shaking as her head snapped left and right, trying to figure out what was going on. No golden light. No burning.

Just her in her room with a certain Time Lord leaning over her, clearly concerned. “Doctor.” Her voice cracked as she spoke, throat raw. She had been screaming in her sleep. Which probably explained the Doctor’s presence in the room.

“Sh, it’s okay, c’mere.” He helped her sit up. In the absence of the imagined burning, she was quite cold, and she shivered, yanking at her blankets. “Easy, easy.” The Doctor wrapped the blankets around her, and she shivered, leaning into him. “You’re okay.” His hand came up to brush her hair back, and after a moment her eyes fluttered shut. She fell back to sleep with the feeling of his fingers in her hair.

When Rose woke up in the morning, she was sure she had dreamed all of it – the nightmare, and the Doctor in the room with her afterwards. She yawned as she got up, heading into the en suite.

She was just starting to get dressed when there was a knock at her door. “It’s open,” she called, yanking her sleep shirt back on quickly as the Doctor poked his head in.

“Morning!” He grinned brightly. “How’re you feeling?”

“Fine, just like I knew I would,” Rose teased back with a smile of her own. “No med lab necessary.”

“Well you can hardly blame me for being worried, you were pale as a Gelth last night,” he huffed. Rose rolled her eyes at him.

“Well I’m fine now. So shoo, I’m gonna get ready. I believe someone promised me Woodstock last night?”

“I’m actually rethinking that one, the last thing I need is you accidentally eating a special brownie or something.” Rose grabbed a pillow, throwing it at his head. He made no move to dodge, just laughing as it hit. “If you want music though, I’m sure we can figure something out.”

“Well, you go figure out music, I’m gonna figure out what to wear.” And with that she shooed him out of the room, closing the door behind him.

*             *             *             *             *

 _There’s something of the Wolf about you_.

Rose sat on the jump seat, watching the Doctor almost distantly as he loped around the console, sending them back into the vortex. The euphoria from having won the bet and been banned from the country by Queen Victoria was starting to wear off.

And now she was thinking about the wolf.

_Look. Inside your eyes. You’ve seen it too.  
You burnt like the sun…_

“Doctor.”

The Time Lord whipped around to look at Rose, his grin fading slightly when he saw the look on Rose’s face. “Yeah?” He asked uncertainly, tilting his head.

“Did you ever figure out what Bad Wolf meant?”

At that his expression dropped completely. He couldn’t quite look her in the eye as answered. “Turned out it was nothing. Why do you ask?”

“How could it be nothin’?” Rose insisted, standing up. “It was there, in the middle of the courtyard, and it was on that sign on the platform, and I thought maybe, maybe it was a message or somethin’, but I don’t get where it came from, I mean if it’s a message than someone musta left it—”

“Rose.” The Doctor cut through her babble firmly, grabbing her shoulders. “It was nothing. Okay? Just a coincidence. That’s all.”

But that didn’t make any sense. “Then how did I get back to you? If the words didn’t lead me back, then what? How?”

She was asking all the questions the Doctor had always hoped she never would. It made him wonder what exactly she’d been dreaming about the night after Cassandra possessed her. “The TARDIS brought you back, Rose. You hit your head – you know how bumpy the rides get – and that’s why you don’t remember.”

“But…the Daleks…the singing…”

“You were unconscious, Rose, your mind just made things up.” He brushed her hair back from her face. “Now come on, let’s get you to bed. You had a long night, you must exhausted.”

Rose didn’t want to let it go that easily, but he was right – she was completely wiped out. She needed sleep, that would help her to form a better argument.

She wasn’t letting go of this yet.

It was a relief to be able to collapse into bed, Rose would admit. She barely remember to change into her sleep shirt before she crawled under the covers, curling up tight. It didn’t take her long to pass out.

 _Bad Wolf_.

 _I want you safe. My Doctor…_  
Everything must come to dust. All things. Everything dies. The Time War ends.   
Rose, you’ve done it. Now stop. Just let go…

 _The light, the power, flows through her, heating her very blood, burning her skin. The song echoes in her ears_ …

Rose’s eyes snapped open with a gasp, her chest heaving as she attempted to catch her breath. She must not have screamed this time – the Doctor wasn’t there. She was alone.

But it wasn’t silent in the room. Apart for her own gasps for air, there was a song – faint and almost indiscernible, but  _there_. Rose’s movements were almost trance-like as she climbed out of bed, walking towards the door. As she walked out into the hallway, the song became louder, just slightly.

She followed it, stumbling a couple of times as her feet tangled up in themselves. But finally she made it to the console room, the song growing steadily louder with each unsteady step she took. She approached the center console carefully, reaching out almost automatically, pressing a hand against it…

 _I looked into the TARDIS, and the TARDIS looked into me…_  
This is the Abomination!  
You’re going to burn!

Rose gasped as the memories ran through her mind, and she yanked away, knees going out from beneath her. She was surprised when she landed in a pair of warm arms, rather than hitting the cold grating.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” the Doctor murmured, lowering her carefully to the ground. She instantly curled against him, whimpering as she pressed her face into his shirt.

 _You looked into the Time Vortex. Rose, no one’s meant to see that._  
You are tiny. I can see the whole of time and space. Every single atom of your existence, and I divide them.  
I bring life.

“Make it stop,” Rose begged weakly, her hands coming up to clasp over her ears. The Doctor brushed her hair back, holding her tight, rocking her gently.

“Ssshhh, it’s almost over. It’s almost over.”

It certainly didn’t feel that way though. As the images, the words, the  _memories_  continued their assault against her mind, it felt like it would never end.

 _I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself._  
You’ve got the entire vortex running through your head.  
The sun and the moon, the day and night. But why do they hurt?   
I can see everything. All that is, all that was, all that ever could be.

“Ssshhh,” the Doctor murmured as she whimpered sharply, his fingers still in her hair as he offered her the only comfort he could. Her own fingers were clutching tightly at his shirt – he was the only thing that was real in that moment. The only thing she could hold onto.

He was all she had.

Rose trembled in his grasp, breathing harsh and slightly labored. She squeezed her eyes shut, tears slipping down her cheeks. The Doctor moved his hand to brush them away with his thumb. They sat there for a long time, curled up on the floor together as Rose tried desperately to sort through the memories she didn’t even know she had.

It was almost an hour before she spoke. Her voice cracked as she forced the words out.

“I killed them.”

The Doctor kissed the top of her head, a light brush of his lips against her hair. “You saved the universe.”

“I killed  _all_  of them.” Her eyes were wide and empty as she stared at the console. It wasn’t a huge loss to the world, really – if anything the universe needed less Daleks than more.

But this was Rose. Sweet, innocent,  _gentle_  Rose Tyler, who had tried to get the Doctor to spare Cassandra the first time they met her, who had begged him not to let the maid Gwyneth sacrifice herself for the Gelth, who had changed a Dalek’s mind just by being herself.

She would never be okay with killing anything. Not even Daleks.

“It’s okay,” he told her gently, hugging her tight. “It’s okay, Rose. It’s okay.”

But it wasn’t, and more to the point it  _hurt_  – her head was pounding, as if there was someone inside her skull, trying to fight his way out. “M’head…” She mumbled, turning to press her face into his chest. She made a small noise of surprise as the Doctor scooped her up and stood. “Where’re we goin’?”

“I’m taking you to back to your room,” he told her quietly. She bounced gently as he walked along. She grabbed at him as he set her down in her bed.

“Don’t leave…”

He tucked her in and sat down on the edge of the bed, brushing her hair back. “Never.”

That was the only reassurance she needed to pass out.

_The power flows through her veins, wonderful and horrible all at once. She can control everything, **see** everything…_

_She is a goddess._

_But her Doctor is talking, clearly scared of her. **Scared**? Why?_

_“My head…”_

_The part of her that’s still very much human is whimpering out as the pain just about blinds her. Her Doctor takes her hands, his normally cool skin freezing against her own._

_“It’s killing me…”_

_“I think you need a doctor,” he says quietly, leaning in, his lips pressing against hers_ …

Rose’s eyes snapped open, her breath escaping in a long huff.

“Rose?”

Her gaze flitted to see the Doctor, sitting up in bed beside her. “Are you okay?”

She didn’t answer, just stared at him for a long moment. “It’s all my fault,” she murmured finally, tears filling her eyes. The Doctor blinked, surprised.

“What? What’s your fault?”

“You.” Her voice cracked. “You saved me and you…you regenerated…”

The Doctor sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. He had hoped Rose wouldn’t remember that. “I made my choice, Rose. I don’t regret it.”

That didn’t seem to reassure her, though. She whimpered a bit, curling up tighter under the blankets.  “I’m sorry…”

The Doctor slid down so he was laying with her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against his chest. It took her a moment, but finally she unfurled to wrap around him, clinging to his shirt. He let her lay silently, just brushing a hand through her hair, trying to keep her calm.

“Why couldn’t I remember?” She finally asked, breaking the silence, and the Doctor sighed.

“Your mind blocked it out. It’s like when you have a traumatic experience, the memories are blacked out, so to speak. It’s a defense mechanism.”

Rose nodded silently, swallowing hard as she raised her head to look at the Doctor. “So why’d I suddenly remember now?”

“Cassandra.” There was a slightly bitter note in his voice. “The psychograft ripped away all of your natural defenses – including the walls your mind built around those memories. And of course it tried to rebuild those walls, but you kept trying to push it and fighting against your mind because subconsciously you didn’t  _want_  to forget.” He gave her a small smile. “Too stubborn for your own good. Just like I’m always saying.”

That earned him a small smile, and he was proud of himself for that. “Life wouldn’t be half as interestin’ for ya if I wasn’t.”

“Oh that’s so true. What  _would_  I do without that Rose Tyler stubbornness in my life?”

“You’d be  _horribly_  bored.”

“Undoubtedly.”

They laughed quietly, and finally Rose sat up, running a hand through her hair. Oh god what a mess. “Bedhead,” the Doctor said with a nod as he sat up. “Good look on you.”

“Well not all of us have hair that’s meant to look like we just crawled out of bed,” she shot back, ruffling his own hair, and he yelped as he yanked away, very nearly falling off the bed. “Oh my god you’re such a baby.”

“My hair is very special, Rose. It’s not to be messed with.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well how about you and your special hair go make waffles? I’m starvin’.”

“Waffles it is!” He grinned as he hopped out of bed, heading for the door.

“Doctor?”

He stopped in the door, looking back at Rose. She was staring at the floor, fidgeting uncertainly. “Thank you. For savin’ me.”

His grin softened a bit, though it was my no means any less sincere. “Rose Tyler, it was an honor to die for you.”

And he’d do it again. In a heartbeat.

She was worth it.


End file.
